You must be at least 21 years old to purchase silent vintages. Please whine responsibly. Terms & Compliance
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Latest Offers Whine Clubs Mixed Cases All Vintages Grievance Gifts Mime Sommeliers Compliance

ALL FINE VINTAGES & SILENT WHINES

Every bottle in our grand cellar is meticulously aged alongside the silent, dramatic grievances of master mimes. Select your preferred level of petty tantrum below.

Legally Wine Grand Vintage Cellar
Showing 1–8 of 29 Vintages
BESTSELLER
Cabernet De Tantrum 2023

CABERNET DE TANTRUM 2023

Grievance: 'Someone touched my invisible box'
$28.99 per bottle
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Sauvignon Sob 2024

SAUVIGNON SOB ESTATE 2024

Grievance: 'The soup was slightly lukewarm'
$22.50 per bottle
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NEW VINTAGE
Syrah Sulk Reserve 2022

SYRAH SULK RESERVE 2022

Grievance: 'Forced to stand in fake wind'
$34.00 per bottle
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Malbec Meltdown 2023

MALBEC MELTDOWN PATAGONIA

Grievance: 'My invisible rope snapped'
$26.99 per bottle
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Riesling Resentment 2024

RIESLING RESENTMENT BRUT

Grievance: 'Nobody applauded the silent wall'
$19.99 per bottle
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LIMITED
Merlot Moping Reserve

MERLOT MOPING ESTATE 2021

Grievance: 'It rained inside my mind'
$39.50 per bottle
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Prosecco Pouting Brut

PROSECCO POUTING BRUT

Grievance: 'I didn't get the front seat'
$21.00 per bottle
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Zinfandel Silent Outrage

ZINFANDEL SILENT OUTRAGE

Grievance: 'Bedtime was 5 minutes too early'
$31.99 per bottle
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JOIN THE SILENT WHINE CLUB

Receive 3 monthly bottles delivered straight to your glass box, hand-selected by our chief quiet whiners. Includes complimentary mime tears tasting notes.

EXPLORE CLUB MEMBERSHIPS
Silent Whine Club Crate